I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
