There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
