so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
