we're blogging at a bar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
