Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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