Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
