Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
