Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize