my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
