I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
