Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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