once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
