I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
