I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
