I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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