I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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