So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
