He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
