not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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