Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
