Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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