So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
