It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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