I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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