if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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