This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
