But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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