On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
