I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
