I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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