I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize