I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
