Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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