you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
honey bunches of taint.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
