I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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