that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
