Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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