Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
