Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.

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(406): View more from Montana

Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king

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(218): View more from Minnesota

You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.

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(518): View more from New York

I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.

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(831): View more from California

I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment

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(509): View more from Washington

I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'

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(510): View more from California

Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am

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