She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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