remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
