omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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