Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
