Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Girls should come with a carfax report
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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