yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
