You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize