I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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