do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
