i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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