This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
