So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
