the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
