i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
