Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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