Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
