he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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