end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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