just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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