We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
