she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize