Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
