dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I FOUND THE LEGS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
