The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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