Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Your cock deserves a montage
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
