you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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