Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
