I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
