Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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