He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Duck Duck Cougar?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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