mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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