The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
