I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
