Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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