Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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