so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
