So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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