Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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