is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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