My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
