she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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