why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
