Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
