coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just want to make out with him forever
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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