Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
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