So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
