There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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