do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
