Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
should my penis look like a turkey
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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