So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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