i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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