i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
