No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
