why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Did I show you my penis last night?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
