My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
