she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
