I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You ate ashes out of my bong
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
