gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just pee around me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
