no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
