i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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