You smell like stripper and shame
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
